i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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