you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my shit smells like andre
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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