Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
