Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
