She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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