Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
