dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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