she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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