I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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