What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize