Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
