you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
should my penis look like a turkey
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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