shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize