you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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