Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
