I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
