you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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