so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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