I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
