he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
