can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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