Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
