I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
