I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
