I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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