After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize