Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
