I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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