this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
