just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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