I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
