Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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