I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
