It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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