I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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