I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
