nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Fuck appropriateness.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
