Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
