We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
