all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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