on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
