I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
