Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
