It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
