Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
