in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
