Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
