Hey man sorry I got all grabby
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There r osticjed everywhere
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
