I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
