fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
