I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
