Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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