I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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