And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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