new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize