6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
