Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
