it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
