We're facebook friends in real life
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
