I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize