you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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