I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
