You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
