I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
