You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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