I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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