we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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