If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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