im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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