I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
