He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
