textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
