So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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