I heard we made out
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
