OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize