I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
