Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
