I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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